Not just a cutesie facial expression.*

If you know me in real life then you’ve undoubtedly heard this story before. Sorry. I love attention, so I’m repeating it on the Internet. I have no shame.

My dear little Aussie is something of a professional escape artist. He loves nothing more than to have a quick run down to the beach – with or without me. Luckily, he’s been taught to pause and look both ways before crossing any street. I’m serious. It’s an excellent skill/trick.

So the other morning I found myself chasing after my little Houdini. In my pajamas, fuzzy slippers and Frownies still on. What’s a Frownie, you say? Oh, just the best anti-wrinkle treatment ever. But mostly, it just a big ol’ glorified stamp that’s glued to your forehead and the outside corners of your eyes. (You should really just Google them, I seriously love them.)

All of this is not so bad. I’ve definitely done more embarrassing things in public. Here’s the thing though, I live by the beach. A beach where handsome sun gods, aka surfers, flock to. In droves. Now, as I made my way down to the beach, in my pajamas, I noticed that my sweet little dog has stopped. Well, not exactly stopped. He’d been caught. By a seriously handsome surfer. At this point I should mention that my pajamas in the summer are made up of a t-shirt and a pair of ratty boxers that have almost no elastic left in the waistband and thus have a tendency to fall down if not gathered into a bunch on the side and held tight by either a hair elastic or an extra large safety pin. (Judge if you must.) The next few moments are forever engrained into my mind and went a little something like this:

Ridiculously Handsome Surfer Dude: Looks like you’ve got yourself a runaway.

Me: I know. Thank you so much for grabbing him. I guess he decided to go on his walk without me today.

RHSD: Haha. No problem. What’s his name?

Me: Sh*!head. I mean, Valentino.

RHSD. Cool name. My names Chad by the way…

Me: (Inner dialogue: oh god, I’m wearing my Frownies still, aren’t I? And I think my boxers are about to fall down.). Ugh…I have to go.

***Grabs dog by collar and hightails it out of there***

I often like to pretend my life is one fun Romantic Comedy. But as I get older, I realize it’s closer to an episode of Girls. Or worse yet, I am in a Rom-Com, but I’m not the star. I’m the zany sidekick who’s sole purpose is to create a laugh or two while everyone else is busy drinking wine and falling in love.

I think this story is precisely why I will never give up Carbs.


No Makeup, wearing a Frownie.

* In case you’re wondering what a cutesie facial expression is, wonder no more! Example – Looks like you’ve got a case of the frownies! It alludes to not only an expression annoying people say to an office (but usually substituting ‘Mondays’ for frownies) and it also refers to a facial expression in a cutesie/diminutive way.